Mojito Part 2: La Moderno

What You Need
Granulated cane sugar
Carbonated water (soda, seltzer, sparkling... just don't use tonic)
Fresh limes
Fresh mint
Light/White rum (decent quality, Bacardi or higher)
Ice
Highball glass
Jigger
Shaker

The classic mojito is like Desi Arnaz... a bit dated, but still fun, enjoyable, and pretty badass. You've made the classic mojito and enjoyed it, but as far as I'm concerned, there are a couple of problems. First and foremost is inconsistency. As many times as I've made them, every fucking one is different and it's next to impossible to get it just the way you like it. Personally, I like a nice kick of mint in my mojito. The classic I made for this blog ended up having more lime than mint. Sometimes I'll get it too sweet, or not sweet enough, or overly minty. The reason for this is our second problem... the use of a muddler. Muddling isn't very precise, especially when you're working with three ingredients. Plus, a bent spoon will work in a pinch, but if you're going to make these semi-regularly (and you are), it'll get real old real quick. I cannot justify owning a specific tool that is used in just one fucking drink. Luckily, our two problems have one solution... a little thing I like to call mint infused simple syrup. It's an easily measurable, easily mixable replacement for both the mint and the sugar, making the mojito la moderno a lot like Cuban model-turn-singer Mayra Veronica... trim, sleek, and just about perfect.

Cranberry Chutney

Ingredients
Fresh cranberries
Fresh apples (your choice)
Sugar
Ground ginger
Cinnamon
All-spice

Thanksgiving is over and you now have to look ahead to Christmas. According to Norman Rockwell, Christmas is a time to join with friends and family in joyous celebration of rebirth, redemption, and the end of another wonderful year together, proving that Norman Rockwell had no fucking clue what he was talking about. My theory is he was freebasing cocaine and painting what he saw in his fucked up, half lucid dream world. For me, and probably you, the holidays consist of far too much driving and far too many children that aren't yours packed into too small a space. This is a recipe for what I like to call motherfucking stabby time. However, holiday food celebrates my favorite fruit: the cranberry. Unfortunately, very few people in my family like cranberries. All the more reason for me to make a cranberry dish. This chutney is great as a side dish, condiment, or just on some delicious Triscuit crackers while awaiting that last relative to show up so you can start eating. In this way, you can keep one hand free for holding the gun that you'll use to greet said relative once they finally arrive, more than an hour late. I bet they'll fucking be on time for Easter.

What the fuck is chutney?
Chutney originated in India as a sort of spicy paste or sauce used to compliment the main dish. It consisted primarily of vegetables and spices, like coriander and onion. Of course, in traditional anglo fashion, the Limeys got ahold of it and dropped the spice and veggies for fruit and sugar, effectively creating a polar opposite dish  but retaining the name. So, yeah... fuck you, India.
This particular chutney tastes quite a bit like applesauce with a heavier texture and a bite of cranberry. As an added bonus, you make it in two steps and about 30 minutes. The recipe originated here, and I've made quite a few changes.

Balsamic Chicken and Pasta

What you need:

• • • • Balsamic vinegar

• • • • Chicken broth
• • • • Sugar (granulated)
• • • • Garlic (whole and powdered)
• • Italian seasoning (pre-blended or use what you like)
• • Olive and vegetable oil

Boneless chicken

Penne pasta

Parmesan

 or Romano cheese

I originally found this recipe online (here) and I've made it many times since. Instead of a straight chicken dish, I serve it as a pasta and change the preparation. You'd think that using so much balsamic would give this a really overpowering taste. You'd be wrong. Also stupid. The chicken is moist, tender, and extremely flavorful without being overpowering. The marinade/sauce/reduction/what-the-fuck-ever-you-want-to-call-it also makes a top notch pasta dressing.