Monday, January 17, 2011

Taco Pie

Refrigerated crescent rolls
Mexican tomato sauce
sour cream
Shredded cheese
Nacho cheese flavored tortilla chips DORITOS! THEY'RE FUCKING DORITOS!
Chili powder

Food is one of the biggest ways in which we define culture. Where you come from and what you ate growing up is a big factor in your personal culture. Scots eat haggis, Italians dig on pasta, and black people in the south chow on collard greens... we all know this. People (Americans at least) love food from other cultures, and I'm no exception. However, no one ever shares MY culture with others. I'm going to change that.

White Trash Cuisine
I was born white trash... that is, extremely financially disadvantaged Caucasian most often (but not always) found in the American south. That's just the way it is. Some people might be offended to be called trash. Well, it's the common fucking nomenclature so you might as well put on your big boy pants stop being a little bitch about it. It is what it is, and honestly, all things considered, I'm pretty proud of it.
Don't confuse southern white trash with the other common cultural group in the South... rednecks. We aren't, as a general rule, rednecks. I didn't grow up listening to country music, going to the rodeo, wearing a big hat, or shooting guns. While some things will overlap (mobile homes, for instance) that's all primarily redneck culture. White trash culture is born from extreme poverty and city life. We're the welfare cases all of the fucking Republicans love to throw under the bus... the "getting knocked up before your Sweet 16" crowd. Everything in white trash culture stems from poverty. I'm talking about families that live on less than five grand a year in many cases.
I don't mean this to turn into a Sally Struthers commercial. It's just the way it is, and as it stands, I wouldn't change much about the situation in which I was raised. White trash can grow up and do all right... plenty of people have.  But the ability to feed a family of four with your last six dollars isn't a skill you lose. When you have to make do, you start getting inventive. This is where white trash food was born. We're talking Hamburger Helper, SOS (shit on a shingle), Spam, friend bologna, Bar S hot dogs, Kool-Aid... do you find yourself feeling kind of bad about this? Well fucking quit it. I genuinely love this food, and still make it despite not really needing to. I just ask that you approach it like you would any other culture... and you can start with Taco Pie.


1. Preheat your oven to 350. Open your can of crescent rolls and grab a baking pan. This will form your taco pie crust. Carefully roll out the crescent rolls and line the bottom with the intact dough. Tear (or cut if you must) the excess off to make the sides, like so.

You're going to bake your crescent rolls according to the directions on the pan (though at 350 instead of whatever it says).

2. While your crust is baking, brown and drain a pound of hamburger meat, seasoned with cumin and chili powder.

Return the meat to the pan and add your tomato sauce.

Stir it together and heat over medium.

3. Once your crust is done, remove it from the oven. Leave the oven on.

Add your hamburger mixture atop the crust.

Then a container of sour cream to make the second layer.

Top it off with a fuckton of cheese.

Now, crush up some Doritos to make your final layer. I like to use the little prepackaged Doritos because they're easier to crush and I don't really eat chips outside of this. This is a trait unique to white trash cuisine... using preprocessed food in the creation of other food. Why? Because it's cheap and tastes good. You can top with a sprinkling of cheese and even a bit of hot sauce if you want.

4. Toss the whole thing back in the oven and bake for about 10 minutes, or until the cheese gets good and melted.

Plate, serve, and enjoy.


  1. Any time I make taco salad I use doritos. I love those chips so so much. This, naturally, looks delicious. I need to start cooking more...

  2. Uh, really? I've never heard of Doritos in like... food but now I'm pretty damn curious.


  3. I highly recommend giving it a try. Even if you totally screw it up, you're only out about $6.