Thursday, January 6, 2011

Mango Curry Pork Chops

Boneless pork chops (4 or 5)
Mango nectar
Olive oil
Garlic powder

The holidays are over and it's time to get back in the thick of things. Right after Christmas, I sat down and said, "Man, it sure would be nice for some combination throat/nose sickness to drop by and fuck me in the face." Wouldn't you know it, that's just what I got. It's a goddamn Christmas miracle. My favorite part of being sick, aside from feeling like I swallowed broken glass and downing hot tea like an eighty-year-old British headmistress, is the inability to taste or smell anything. This called for a dish that had both a powerful flavor and a strong scent. Sounds like a job for curry powder.

Curry versus Curry Powder
What we're using here is curry powder, not curry. There is a huge difference in the two, which you should be aware of, lest you look like a fucking idiot in front of friends and family. The word curry basically means sauce in the Indian language Tamil (Slurpee Indian, not casino Indian). Many people think that curry has a specific taste... it doesn't. It's used much like we would use the word soup. Curries from different parts of the Indian subcontinent vary widely in taste. Curry powder has NOTHING to do with actual curry. Curry powder is a mix of vaguely Indian spices including coriander, tumeric, red pepper, and cumin. There's nothing inherently Indian about curry powder. Much like chutney, curry powder was invented by some (undoubtedly British) wiseass who took the name without really caring to understand what it was. So, once again, fuck you India.

1. Preheat your pan (medium-high, no higher) and add olive oil. Dress your chops with basil and toss them in once you're all warmed up. We're looking to brown the chops on both sides, which should take about 5 minutes each.

2. While you're browning the chops, we're going to make the sauce. You can find nectar in a can in the juice or Hispanic food aisle of your local grocery store, and feel free to use a different variety if mango isn't your thing. Pop and pour the whole can into a measuring cup, along with 1 1/2 teaspoons of curry powder, some garlic powder and salt. Whisk well and set aside.

3. Watch the sides of your chops to know when to flip them (DO NOT STAB THE GODDAMN CHOPS). The sides will also begin to curl up a bit. Flip them and let them cook another 5 minutes on this side. Pork gets a bad rap as an "unsafe" food, and many people tend to overcook it. Be careful that you don't get them overdone at this stage... there's a lot of cooking left to go which will easily take care of the bacteria that's probably not in your food.

4. Once your chops are brown, flip them and pour the sauce over.

5. Reduce your heat to medium low. We're going to simmer the chops for at least 20 minutes (flipping again half-way).

The sauce will begin to thicken. Here's where the your kitchen starts to smell like spice,  deliciousness, and Princess Jasmine from Aladdin. I'm assuming that last part... for a cartoon character, she looks like she'd smell really good.

I'd bang Princess Jasmin from Agribah to Himachal Pradesh and, yes, I know she's Middle Eastern, not Indian.

Plate, spoon over some of the sauce, and serve.


  1. This looks ridiculously good! Seems pretty easy too.. nice recipe. :)


  2. It's very easy to make, which was another reason I decided to make it while sick. Less effort, more reward.

  3. That... looks awesome. I'm sufficiently hungry now.