Sunday, March 13, 2011

Lemon Glazed Chicken

Chicken breast (strips, fillets, halves... whatever blows your skirt)
Fresh parsley
Vegetable oil

Thus sayeth Natalie Dee

After a slightly lengthy vacation/prison sentence, I'm back to the blog. I would apologize for my absence, but I don't care what the fuck you think, so... there's that.
When you go to the grocery store to gather lemons to make this (which you will do if you know what's good for you) make sure you get the best lemons in the pile. This requires a little fruit investigation. You want a lemon that feels heavy but not hard. When you squeeze it there should be some give... a hard lemon means a thicker rind, which means you get less juice. Obviously, you'll want to avoid any lemons that have brown splotches, but green splotches are ok. Lemons change from green to yellow based entirely on temperature, not age, so a bit of green is perfectly fine. You can expect about three tablespoons of juice from your lemon, but that doesn't mean you should substitute bottled for fresh squeezed. Bottled lemon juice, while fine for cocktails, doesn't have the same delicate flavor as fresh lemon juice, so buy the goddamn fruit.


1. Get out your skillet and toss in one tablespoon of oil and three tablespoons of butter (salted or sweet cream, it make little difference) over medium high heat.

Once you're all melted and a good portion of the buttery foam has subsided...

... insert your chicken.

2. Set out a plate or piece of aluminum foil. Let the chicken cook until it's time to flip (4 to 5 minutes for strips or fillets, more for halves), then remove them to your foil/plate with a fork. Season both sides with salt and pepper.

Return your chicken, uncooked side down, to the pan to finish cooking.

Once they're done, remove them from the pan and set aside for a few minutes.

3. Turn your heat down to medium. Halve two lemons and squeeze the juice directly into the pan. You'll want to squeeze hard... just imagine you're choking the lemon to death, perhaps because that little yellow bastard owes you money or ratted you out to the cops. You really gotta get the job done or the rest of the fruit won't respect you, and you've worked too hard to lose your empire now, goddamnit. Use a spatula or wooden spoon to scrape the pan a bit to destroy the evidence of your fruit-slaughter. Take a deep breath... fruit murder smells great. Don't forget to put the crushed rind in the ice box as a reminder to your oranges and tangerines that you're back and you're not taking any fucking lip.

Add another tablespoon of butter and your chopped fresh parsley. You chopped your parsley, right? If not, read the entire fucking recipe before you start cooking, asshole.

Keep the contents of the pan moving with your spatula until the butter melts.

3. Turn your heat down to low and add your chicken back into the pan.

Let the chicken get well coated in the glaze, just a few minutes per side.

4. Remove your chicken back to your plate. Go ahead and pour the lemony contents of your pan directly over your chicken.

Plate and serve.


  1. I want to see more posts with the tag, "fruit murder" please and thank you.

  2. I absolutely agree. I'm not much of a cook, but I do like a good fruit murder. This'll be the next recipe I try.