The Black Queen

What you need:
Royal Crown Cola
Vanilla flavoring syrup
Canadian whiskey (Black Velvet is preferred, for taste and cost)
Ice
Highball glass (or suitable tallish glass)
Jigger (if you don't all ready have this, kill yourself)

Back in my college days, my drink of choice was Black Velvet Canadian whisky and Vanilla Coke. I like to think I learned more from this fucking drink than I did a good portion of my professors (especially Concepts of Fitness. Seriously, fuck that class). Unfortunately, those fucksticks over at Coke no longer make Vanilla Coke in the preferred two liter bottle. You can only get it in cans, and since I've cut out soda drinking (except for adult beverages), it's a big fucking waste of money for me. I also recently started holding a poker night at my house on Fridays, and it required a signature drink. Thus, the Black Queen was born. Here's how to make it.



Step 1
Fill your glass with ice. Yes, fill it with ice. Don't fill half the fucking glass with ice because you "get more booze that way." Drinks are measured with a full glass of ice, and by cutting out the ice you fuck the measurements up. Plus, a half full glass of ice melts faster, leaving your dumb ass with a watery drink. So next time you're at a bar and you think you're going to be a smart little motherfucker and game the system by asking for a drink with little to no ice, remember how much of a fucking moron you are and fill your fucking glass with ice. Crushed works better, but all I have is cubed.

Step 2
Hit it with a splash of vanilla. Not too much or you'll end up with something that tastes like a cross between a melted snow cone and your dog's balls.
 

Step 3
Measure out .75 fluid ounces of whisky, which is about so far up the small side of your jigger. More or less to taste. You have a jigger, right? I fucking thought so.


Your drink should look about like this.


Step 4
Fill that bitch up with RC, give it a stir, and knock yourself out. Oh, and I'd like to address some bullshit a guy at a bar once told me: that shaking a drink makes it weaker because it breaks the ice up into smaller pieces, which melt faster. If you believe that, please let me know so I can go kick your chemistry teacher in the balls.