Friday, May 27, 2011

Top Shelf Ribs

Country style pork ribs
Barbecue sauce
Brown sugar
Worcestershire sauce
Apple cider vinegar
Bay leaves
Liquid smoke (optional)

Pictured: A man.
I am a man. I enjoy masculine things... beards, meat, tobacco, people getting hit in the face unexpectedly, and the late George C. Scott just to name a few. Occasionally I'll replace my middle name with a curse word... things like that. There are, however, traditionally masculine things that I don't care for: sexism, bathroom humor, golf, and ribs, for instance. Now, let me clarify that last item. I dislike ribs about 85% of the time, for one reason only: that ribby aftertaste. I don't know what it is or what causes it, but it sucks every fucking ounce of goodness out of ribs. It's there for hours afterward, just hanging around making your mouth feel like shit.
Growing up I never had this problem because I only ate the ribs my mom made... ribs that tasted like they're supposed to, with no fucking aftertaste. Ribs that define "fall off the bone" without even having a fucking bone to fall off of. We combine this method of cooking with a little sauce creation of my own to form a kind of meat nirvana which nothing but goodness may enter.


1. Get out your biggest pot. Toss in your ribs and a few bay leaves.

Add water to your pot until your ribs are submerged and your bay leaves are floating about an inch above them. You're going to lose water due to the long boiling time, and you don't want them running aground. Boiling is a great method here because it thoroughly cooks the thick ribs while leaving them extremely soft and imbuing them with flavor from the bay leaves. Bring your pot to a boil, then reduce heat to medium, cover, and simmer for about an hour. You'll want to move them around occasionally in case they try to stick to the sides or bottom.

2. While the ribs are cooking, we're going to make what I like to call rib sauce. It uses barbecue sauce as a base. When you're picking out your sauce, avoid any special flavors like honey, hickory, or mesquite. We're going to add a ton of flavor to the sauce, so try to find a good base comprised of the fewest ingredients possible. I prefer Sweet Baby Ray's for a nice, even, no frills taste but it's entirely up to you.
Get about 1.5 to 2 cups of sauce in a small sauce pan (you can never have too much). Add to this 0.25 cup apple cider vinegar, 3 tablespoons of brown sugar, and 4 tablespoons of Worcestershire. If you'd like to add a bit of smokiness, a dash of liquid smoke does the job, just don't smell it when you put it in. Liquid smoke smells like Satan's mother-in-law, and you can't unsmell it no matter how hard you try. Put your pot over medium heat until it begins to boil a bit, then reduce to low and simmer until your ribs are finished (about 45 minutes or so).

3. When you have around 15 minutes or so left to go, you''ll notice your ribs have gotten quite a bit smaller.

Get into your oven and move your top rack as close to the top heating element as possible. Set your oven to broil.

Reduce the heat under your sauce to the lowest setting. Thanks to the brown sugar, your rib sauce is extremely thick and packed with flavor..

4. Using a pair of tongs, remove your ribs to a foil lined sheet pan. Try to shake the excess water from them en route, but be careful, they might fall apart on you.

Brush the top and sides of your ribs liberally with rib sauce.

Toss the pan onto your oven's top rack. Let that bitch seal in the goodness for about five minutes.

Remove. The rib sauce has thickened even more and you'll notice the rib extremities getting a nice blackening. This is desirable. Flip with your tongs and brush with another coat of sauce. If you have any sauce left after this, just pour it over the top of them. Rib sauce is good for you.

Return to your oven and broil for another five minutes, or until you're tempted to stick your head inside the oven and eat them directly from the pan.

Plate and serve. No ribby aftertaste... just pure, meat bliss. It's like candy, if candy were also meat.

1 comment:

  1. 2 things.
    1: Sweet Baby Ray's is the fucking shit, great choice!
    2: I make some Bombass ribs also. They are more of an "in a rush" method, but still come out Amazing. I will have to share!