Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Spicy Black Bean "Mexican Standoff" Burritos

Black Beans
Mexican or spicy tomato sauce (check the hispanic food aisle next to the Jarritos)
Flour tortillas
Shredded cheese
Chili powder
Whatever the fuck else you want

This is an ultra-cheap, ultra-quick recipe (under $4 and 15 minutes makes enough to feed 3 people or 1.5 fat people) that will blow your fucking mind. I call these Mexican standoff burritos because, with three ingredients (beans, tomato sauce, and cheese), they're so good you'll want to shoot a motherfucker or two. It really is shocking how good these burritos are. They're so good, in fact, I've never added anything else to them, save a quick shot of hot sauce here and there. As an added bonus, they can be frozen (with a little plastic wrap and foil) and are almost as good after a few minutes in the microwave. Three kickass lunches for under $4? Can't fucking beat that now can you?


1. Open your can of beans, drain, and rinse them off thoroughly with cold water. Be careful with the black sauce/shit that the beans come in... it stains like a motherfucker. This is a good time to mention that black beans are ridiculously good for you with dietary fiber, protein, iron, and as many antioxidants as cranberries. It's almost like you're a well-rounded, health-conscious adult and not some asshole dicking around on the internet when they should be working.

2. In a small sauce pot, combine the beans, Mexican tomato sauce, and spices. Go hog wild with the chili powder but chill out on the cumin. Like threats of violence, a little goes a long way.

3. Put your pot on the stove over medium-high heat, stirring frequently. When it starts to bubble, reduce the heat to medium, still stirring.

4. After a while (6-8 minutes), the beans with soften considerably.

Now you have to smash the fuck out of them. I find that a potato masher works really well for this,  but you can make it work just as well with a wooden spoon.  You're looking to get the mixture to a nice, even consistency with several in tact beans left.

Once you get it about where you like it, reduce the heat to medium low and let it simmer for a bit.

5. Prepare your burrito shell. The best way to make a store bought shell taste like it's fresh out of the steamer is to add a little steam to it (no shit). To do this, take a paper towel and get it a little damp. Place it between two shells and toss them in the microwave for :45 to a minute. Bingo, just as good as if some illegal immigrant named Julio handed you one out of the back of a taco truck.

6. You're pretty much done at this point, but there seems to be some debate as to how to fold a burrito, so I'm going to go over it. It really isn't that goddamn complicated. Just insert your ingredients (in my case: bean mixture, cheese, and a bit of hot sauce).

Fold one side of the shell up a little past half-way and draw back a bit, scraping some of your ingredients toward you.

Fold over one side (for a traditional burrito) or both sides (if you plan to cover the burrito with red sauce/cheese or freeze it for later). If it looks kind of like an envelope, you haven't fucked it up yet.

Now roll. Your shell should be warm, so let it sit, flap-side down for a bit to mold it. There you go, a perfect burrito.

Seriously, isn't that a surprisingly good burrito? Feel free to add other stuff to the recipe (ground beef, vegetables, spanish rice, peyote... whatever) and freeze a few for later.

UPDATE 07/24/11: Amber, the author of a great blog called Dreaming of Mercy, prepared this recipe and made a great addition.

Check out her post here. I fully endorse it.

1 comment:

  1. I love mashed black beans and raspberry salsa... you can eat it cold on chips, or on a(n everything) bagel with lettuce, tomato, and cream cheese. black beans mashed with stuff > other things